God, guide my arrow today

(Dan writing)


     A couple of weeks ago I finally finished reading a book that I had set out to read about a year ago,  "Stepping Up" by Dennis Rainey.  It is a book filled with stories and lessons calling men to lead lives of courageous manhood.  Apparently we are in need of guys who are willing to be more than just boys, they need to be willing to stand as men.  Many of the stories were fascinating and pushed me to grow, but one story caught my attention and challenged my lifestyle.  A true story based on a father's love for his son.
     Two men, a father and son, set out to hunting elk in one of their favorite hunting spots in a remote location of Wyoming. They decided to hunt by bow and were excited about the adventure that they were on together.  Hunting elk in the wilderness is not just a one-day journey, so this father and son had been at it for a a few days.  The son already had a few kills but the father, having only a few opportunities, was having no success.  That morning before they went out he prayed, "God, guide my arrow today."  A simple prayer, but one of faith.  The son was committed to helping his father get another chance with an elk, so he went out baiting and calling.  Little did he know he was not the only one tracking that elk.  As the elk moved closer, it suddenly took off for the trees.  The son was confused about what had happened until he turned around to see a giant grizzly bear facing him.  As he ran, the bear gave chase.  He ran towards the direction of his father.  The massive grizzly was on top of him in an instant, and the father knew he had one chance.  He took aim and let that arrow leave his fingers.  The bear tackled his son and began to chew on his arms.  He violently fought to keep the bears mouth away from his face.  After a few seconds, the bear stood and began to turn away.  About 8 yards away, the bear fell dead.  The father's arrow had just barely missed his son and pierced the bear's aorta artery.  The perfect shot and only place to take the bear in one shot.  They were able to hike out of the wilderness and get to a hospital where the son spent just one night.
 
     So far, this adoption process has been challenging, it has been difficult, but it has been rewarding.  We received a note a couple of weeks ago from someone asking us if we were crazy for wanting to adopt, for being bold enough to think that we would be better parents than others.  My answer...sometimes it does seem crazy.  Our goal in this life is to live in full obedience to where God leads us.  Sometimes, to some people, (including ourselves at times) it seems crazy.  I know there have been times during this process that I have felt more than a little weird.  For instance, when the adoption agency asked if I was fully on board with the adoption, because most of the cases they see are guys who are just going along with their wives, trying not to upset them.  Or, when people assume we have chosen adoption because of infertility and dive into stories of friends who weren't able to get pregnant.  Or, when we went to Babys R Us to register for things we might need.  I had no idea what I was getting into.  I was just fortunate that Emily let me use the scan gun (I may have gotten in a little trouble).  It was strange going to a newborn care class and being the only couple in the class who were not pregnant.
     It is a strange place to be...waiting for that phone call.  That one phone call that will change our lives more than we could ever imagine.  Believe me, we don't claim to know what we are doing.  We are trying to take one day at a time and enjoy the journey.
     One of the things that freaks me out the most is being a father.  It also brings an immense amount of joy, feelings I never knew.  I received some advice a year ago about life from a financial counselor.  "Learn from your mistakes, seek God, and in all of life lessons, pray that you and your wife will grow closer together in Christ...for Christ."  So, here is my prayer...God, guide my arrow today.  Allow my life to be used for you...allow us to be more...whether we get that call today or not.

from "someday..." to "anyday!"

(Emily writing)

Since we have started this blog right in the middle of our adoption journey, I want to take you back a couple of years to the beginning...when God started preparing our hearts for this adventure. 

Dan and I began dating our freshman year of college at Cedarville University in Ohio. Early on, we knew that we wanted to get married, so our conversations frequently led to us to dream about our future.  We talked about one day hoping to have children through adoption, so it was always in the back of our minds going into marriage.

The more we talked about it, the more I became excited, although I was nervous to go from "just us two" to having children.  It took me a little while (okay, almost five years of being married) to release my control, my fears, and ultimately, my selfishness about having children. I am blessed to have a husband who is patient with me!  

A few months before moving to Little Rock, my heart slowly began to change towards having children. I can’t explain it, but I knew God was making my heart more sensitive and planting a desire deep within that I had never felt before.  Although I was still nervous, Dan and I committed to starting the adoption process at the beginning of the year (2012). Leading up to that time, we watched "If You Were Mine", a DVD resource that walked us through the different types of adoption and agencies. It was helpful for us to decide together exactly what we wanted.

In January, we went to two informational meetings- one with foster care (The CALL) and another with Bethany Christian Services. The weeks surrounding these two meetings were one of the most heart-gripping experiences.  It is so devastating, seeing children suffer because of the choices of their parents.  We fervently prayed for God to make the decision clear. We also sought the counsel of others who walked this journey.  We really had to wrestle through what was the wisest choice for us now.  I was never one to babysit or be around young kids, so I wanted to start at the beginning and have a basis of understanding.  So, we decided to go through Bethany, where we could adopt an infant whose birth mother didn’t feel like she could take care of them.  We also chose Bethany because of their heart for the birth mother.  They are one of the best agencies in meeting the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs of the birth parents.  In fact, a reason why adoption can be considered “expensive” is because those funds are used to help love and take care of the birth mother with their medical and physical needs. These girls are often coming to Bethany as a last resort before choosing abortion.  Bethany counsels the girls before and after the adoption, as well as provide life-long services to the adopted child and adoptive parents (that’s us!). These girls are often neglected and looked down upon in our society, and we want to be a part of an agency that will share the love of Christ and give them the resources they need.  Although we have peace that God is leading us to go through this agency now, we are open to what He has for us in the future, possibly through foster care. 

It has been amazing to see what God has done in my heart the last couple of weeks.  I have gone from simply talking about adopting to yearning for the phone to ring.  Thank you for walking alongside of us during the waiting period. You are such an encouragement to me!